What the what...

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky was crazy and wonderful. I rated 3/5 stars, and that was mostly because of the subject material, that age of Charlie, and the book being classified as a Children's Book in some cases.

This book is deep. At the very beginning I was wondering if maybe Charlie had a mental handicap, like autism or something of the sort. It started becoming more and more apparent what the issue was.

After reading some other reviews, I noticed many people could not figure out what happened, or it took the whole book. I urge anyone who reads it to pay attention. I also urge you to use caution. I do not want to give away spoilers, but there is drug use and other mature topics. I went into this book blindly; I had no idea what to expect, and it caught me off guard. I feel like everyone should read this book at one point or another, but they do need to mentally prepared.

I also watched the movie. It was actually pretty tame, but it still has the same mature topics.

I am going back and forth, trying to decide if I should change my rating. If I can finally decide, I will make an amendment to this post.

Uhm... Wow!

Divergent by Veronica Roth is amazing. I completely fell in love with "dystopian future" books due to The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins. I was a little worried that Divergent would be like a cheap knock-off; not even close. There is so much detail and intensity. I cannot wait to read the rest of the series.

At sixteen, you must decide to live life as you always have: never changing, giving everything but the clothes on your back, or give up everything you know including your family. Add to that the fact that you are different, someone to be afraid of, someone to be taken care of. Try to fit in, try to make friends, no one can find out. You want to prove yourself and be who you want to be, not fit into a neat little mold and think with one collective mind. Love, war, and death. What would do?

I loved this book. The movie was pretty good, as usual they changed up a lot of things, but what do expect.

Highly recommended, 5/5 stars, can't wait to start the next book.

Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol

I don't usually read graphic novels, they just aren't my thing. I also don't really watch cartoons (anime). Anya's Ghost is a manga, and it was actually pretty good. I didn't go in expecting much, but I think there is a lesson to be learned.

Anya is the daughter of a Russian immigrant who struggles at a private school. She wants to fit in, but because of her background it makes it difficult. She doesn't use her real name outside of her home because it embarrasses her; it's Annushka Borzakovskaya. She doesn't like going to church because of how "Russian" it is. She has one close-ish friend, Siobhan, who teases her a lot and encourages her to smoke and skip class. Generally, she hates her life... until she falls down a well; that's when she meets Emily.

I feel like there is a moral to this story; love yourself, be true to yourself, and respect your heritage. Also, don't fall down wells and bring crazy ghost girls home.

The Book Thief - Markus Zusak

Wow, this book took me on an emotional rollercoaster. When you pick up a book about World War II, Nazi Germany, you can't expect sunshine and puppy dogs, but I felt so many emotions. You feel Liesel's emotions; you feel like you are right there. You cry with her, you laugh with her.

 

Death. He tells the story from beginning to end. He gives many details of what is to come for the important people in Liesel's life; he jumps around quite a bit, but he does apologize.  Even through the foreshadowing, you don't always expect what is to come. 

 

This book is amazing. It makes you appreciate the little things in time of crisis, and appreciate your loved ones. It teaches you that family isn't blood, it's those who care for you, and those you care for.

This is definitely five out of five, and I will most likely be reading it again. The movie isn't bad either, but nothing beats the book. I would recommend this book to anyone who is a fan of World War II fiction, love, hope, and semi-happy endings. It is a young adult novel, but I think anyone will enjoy it. 

 

*Spoiler Alert*

 

Her love of books will ultimately save her life, while everyone she loves perishes.

"The Book Thief"

I just started reading "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. It is set in World War II Nazis Germany; usually I like books, movies, and nearly everything else about World War II. This book, however, started out so slowly, I wasn't sure I would like. Now, though, it is beginning to pick up pace, and I am in love! I also just found out that it was turned into a movie, and the trailer looks amazing.  So, after I finish the book, I'm going to check out the movie. As we all know, though, the book is always better.

Lazy Day

Nothing terribly interesting is happening today. I am gearing up for a couple of things though. First off we have the September reading challenge starting tomorrow, which should be pretty awesome. Then, also starting tomorrow, is PCOS Awareness Month. All month long I will be posting different things on my social media accounts to help raise awareness. Twitter will be mainly facts, Facebook will probably be some links, and here will be personally opinions and stories. I will probably link back to some other PCOS blogs as well.

I was not able to post anything last night due to some technical difficulties with this "smart" phone. After a factory reset and many, many updates things are back to normal. Thanks to Google, I didn't lose any contacts, and most of my settings imported back in.

In conclusion, things are great, and this month my blog should start getting more interesting. I think that I heard somewhere that it takes between twenty and thirty days for something to become a habit. So, I'm hoping to keep up on the posts for a full thirty days so that it will become a habit. Also, I hope my blogs grow and become better over time.

September Reading Challenge

Hello there! Here is the follow up to last nights post. The name of the challenge is "Read-Along With Me". Click on the link to view the full details, but I will list a few highlights. There are 10 categories, and you choose one book for each one that meets it's requirements. For example, the first category is September Release, so you have to pick a book released in September of 2014. Not everyone can read at the same speed, so the challenge founder is fully aware that many people will not be able to read all 10 in a month; it's a guideline. The challenge begins on the 1st and ends on the 31st. She also has a list of suggestions for each category, but you can choose any that fit the description. I hope to see others join in!

Below is my official list, I do have more books for each category, incase something happens and one of the books is unavailable.

Start Date: 1st September
End Date: 30th September

✰ September Release ✰  The Secret Place by Tana French
✰ National Dog Week ✰  Marley & Me by John Grogan
✰ National Chocolate Milkshake Day ✰  Save the Date by Mary Kay Andrews
✰ Freddie Mercury's Birthday ✰  Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn
✰ Very First Comic Strip Printed ✰  Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol
✰ Band-Aids Were Invented ✰  One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
✰ Labor Day ✰  Twelve Years a Slave by Solomon Northup
✰ World War II Began ✰  The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
✰ Sapphire Is September's Birthstone ✰  Divergent by Veronica Roth
✰ Your Moderator's Birthday Month ✰  Matilda by Roald Dahl

Reading

I've been wanting to read more books and branch out from my normal Young Adult novels, so I've decided to do a reading challenge for September. I will post more specifics about it tomorrow. For now, I will list a few books that I'm going to read: Matilda by Roald Dahl, Twelve Years a Slave by Solomon Northop, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey. I will be writing some sort of review after I finish each book.

 

I've stated in an earlier post that I am dyslexic, so I won't be reading in the traditional sense; I will be using audio books. The nice thing about audio books is multitasking.  I can listen in the car, at work, at home, anywhere. If this challenge turns out well, I may continue on with other challenges. If anyone has any good suggestions, please pass them on.

 

Updates

Update anyone? I really want to become a better blogger, so I have decided to set a reminder to post a blog everyday. I will be using a site that has writing prompts when I am at a loss of what to talk about; hopefully I won't need it often.

Now for the important stuff. The last eight months have been hell. I started my infertility journey and we lost two of the greatest people in the world. My Grandma passed December 20, 2013, two days after my Grandpa's birthday, and my Grandpa passed June 27, 2014, nine days after my Grandma's birthday. We didn't expect either of them to pass, especially this close together. It has been a long and hard grieving process, which has been hindered by family arguments. At this point though, I'm not going to delve into that drama; I'm choosing to be Switzerland.



Rest in Peace

In light of all of the stress and depression, I have decided to step away from trying to conceive until other issues have been resolved. That said, I will still be taking a proactive stance. Since one of my cysts is continuing to grow, I feel it would be best to go on birth control to help shrink/remove the cysts. During this time, I will be working on losing more weight, eating better, and still trying to stop smoking. I feel that I need to work on myself, mentally, physically, and emotionally, before I can bring a baby into my life.

Finally, I saw a post on Facebook today, it was on a private group that I am a  member of, I think that it perfectly sums up how most women struggling with PCOS feel. Since it is a private group, most people will never see these heartbreaking, yet empowering, words. PCOS sucks

"People ask me how I feel. So here it is
Worthless: worthless because I can't give my husband a child. Worthless because I can't give my parents a grandchild. Worthless because my body doesn't work like it should. Worthless because every medicine every treatment that I have done has failed. Worthless because I still can not pass a test. Worthless because I have been stuck at this same weight now for a week. Ugly: Ugly because i have to remove all kinds of hair from my face on a daily basis. Ugly because no matter how many times I pluck, shave or wax the hair seems to reappear by 6:00 pm. Ugly because I break out with acne all over my face at random times. Ugly because of my skanky feet that no matter how hard I try I cannot scrub the funk away.
Depressed: Depressed because all of my friends have children and they tell all these stories their kids do and I'm like well... Guess what my cat did. Depressed because I see the way my husband looks at kids. Depressed because I know that I don't deserve my husband. Depressed because it seems like my whole family including my husband has given up hope that we will ever have kids or our own. Crazy: crazy because how can you miss/love something or someone sooo much that you don't even know. Crazy because every month I still think that it will be the month that the test shows a + instead of a -. Pain: pain because of all the meds that I am on. Pain because it seems like every day cyst burst inside me and it takes all I have in me not to cry. Pain because there isn't one minute that goes by that my body doesn't hurt. Pain because I'm so scared that I will never get to hold our own baby girl or boy. Never until I started on this journey of trying to get pregnant did I know that one person can feel sooo many different things at one time. Never until I started this journey did I know that I would take comfort from not only my husband but from complete strangers. Never until I started on this journey of trying to get pregnant did I know how truly strong mine and my husbands relationship is. He tries soo hard to be there for me and to understand what I'm going through and I guess in some ways he does, but in others ways he has no idea. Never until I started on this journey of getting pregnant did I know how much I truly needed my husband to be there. Through all my crazy messed up emotions. Through all my good days and bad days. Every time I go through a depressed stage, mad stage or just an emotional stage. I never knew how much I leaned on him and needed him until then. Most importantly. Never until I started on this journey of trying to get pregnant did I know how strong I was. I always thought that I was the weak sister. The sister who didn't have any fight in her. But, I know that I do. I know I still have some fight in me because I manage to get up every morning and go to work even though I'm dying on the inside.
The sad thing is after reading through all these emotions and these words. I realize that my feelings change every minute every second another negative thought pops in my head. I just wish there was a way to keep them out."
~Quoted from Monica, PCOS TTC, Facebook



Joy!

Alrighty. *Happy Dance* I have three months to stop smoking. I have a plan. I know that I can't cold turkey it this time without ending up in prison for murder. So... thanks to my wonderful android smart phone, I downloaded an app called Smoker Reducer Quit Smoking. As long as I am honest, and don't cheat, it will work. I also have Nicorette for the cravings in-between; like I said, I don't want to go to prison.

I also have to lose some amount of weight. The doctor said she wasn't going to set me up for failure by giving me a number I probably couldn't reach. As many people who know me know, I have struggled with my weight for... well, ever. So, I am using MyFitnessPal to track my food, I have several other apps by the same developer that I like as well. I am really excited about using Zombies, Run! and The Walk, they both seem like super fun apps to track walking/running.

Why is all of this important? Well, we have been trying to get pregnant for around two years now and we have been pretty unsuccessful. I started seeing a doctor in January to find out what is going on. Many things were bounced around, but the only one that may actually fit is PCOS, but I don't have the major sign. So, she told me that I have three months to get my act together, and if I still haven't gotten pregnant, then she will start me on fertility medication. SO EXCITED! She thinks that if I can get my weight under control, then I will have no problem.

That brings me to the consultation coming up with a new doctor about having Bariatric Surgery. My doctor thinks I am a very good candidate, and quite frankly the thought of being around 160 pounds within 3-6 months makes me very happy. If I have the surgery done, I would have to wait about a year to get pregnant; my weight would need to stabilize. Other than that, I see no drawbacks.
So this year will be pretty busy for me, hopefully. I am so looking forward to holding a little baby within the next year or two. Woot woot!

Petition - Please Sign

*UPDATE* This petition is no longer active. Unfortunately, it did not receive the signatures needed.

The below information is taken from The White House website, a petition to require ALL states to include fertility treatments for every insured person. Please sign the petition here.

 

We petition the Obama administration to:
Include infertility treatments/care for every insured individual as part of their health insurance coverage.
Approximately 7.3 million couples in the U.S. suffer from infertility.
44% of women have sought medical treatment for infertility.
Currently, only 15 states provide coverage for infertility.
Our goal is to make it mandatory for every state to provide couples with care and treatment for infertility as an essential health care benefit.
We believe that every couple should be able to experience the joys of parenthood if they would like to.
The option to seek treatment should be affordable and not cause the "Average" American family to suffer financial hardships.
So many couples suffer from depression due to infertility, leading to loss of jobs, friendships and even marriages.
With your signature we can make parenthood a "Probability" and not a "Possibility".


If every person who see this petition signs and passes it along, that puts women like myself, one step closer to living our dreams. Infertility may not affect you, but more than likely, it affects someone you know. The affects from suffering infertility have been studied and proven to be just as mentally exhausting as suffering from Cancer. There are many different types of infertility, and it doesn't just affect women, but women usually feel stronger about it than men.

Resources:
Petition
Infertility Fact Sheet
5 Things Infertile Couples Want Others to Know
20 Things I Couldn't Say to My Fertility Doctor When I Was Her Patient
Infertility: 16 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman Who Is Childless But Not By Choice

Well... Not What I Wanted...

In my opinion you should always expect the worst, never the best. I do not even think about the best outcome anymore, that way, I am never disappointed. Why then did I bawl like a little baby yesterday after me doctors appointment? Let me tell you. It's always nervous having new procedures done, but the tech was wonderful. She kept me calm and cracked a lot of jokes. It was great, until a giant black mass showed up on the ultrasound screen. My doctors and I already discussed Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) plus it was brought up to me when I was sixteen, so nothing terribly new. I think it was just the shock of actually seeing it; like out of sight out of mind? It didn't help, either, that I had a counseling appointment yesterday that I wasn't able to go to. The office was supposed to send me the address and directions in addition to the paper work that I needed to fill out. Well, I never got it. Of course, you don't make the appointment directly with the office, it's through some centralized scheduling office, and they never answer when you call. I got the run-around all afternoon trying to figure out where to go, my appointment time came and went without me. They didn't even call to say I missed my appointment. The sad thing is, I really could have used that appointment yesterday.
I have to wait exactly one week to get some real answers about what's going, and possible treatments. It should not be this hard.

Food for thought:

John 16:33 "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Deuteronomy 8:2 "Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands."

Psalms 139:13,16 "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."

Lamentations 3:33 "For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow."

Please Refer to the Blog Title for My Absence...

As the name of the blog suggests, my life is crazy. I got the stomach flu and then I decided it would probably be a good idea to see a doctor for a check-up. I also had some very specific questions, which I will get to in a bit. Some of the things that prompted this visit to the doctor are as follows:
I felt like my hypoglycemia was out of control, verging on diabetes. Well, I don't have diabetes, yay!
I am always tired, and always getting sick. They checked my thyroid and said it's fine. They did do a bunch of other blood tests though. They found out that I am vitamin D deficient, oh joy... Other than that, I'm pretty healthy.

Now for the more specific questions... I wanted to know why, after being in a relationship for 7 years and actively trying for at least 2 years, I haven't gotten pregnant. When I was in high school I was told I may have PCOS, so when my new primary care doctor recommended I go to a gynecologist to get checked, it didn't surprise me. The only real news that I got is that I have no STIs. I go back on the 18th for an ultrasound to make sure that everything is good structurally, then I have another visit the week after. I hope to start getting some answers.

It breaks my heart to think that I may never be able to have children of my own. I will most likely never be able to afford fertility treatments or adoption. I have had names picked out for a few years now too, and I don't know if I will ever be able to use them: Benjamin Christopher and Alayna Kathryn.

I am working on setting up a counseling appointment because I think it's time to get some help. I need to get out of this funk I am in and start living again.

Peace!

Projects

When I was a little girl my grandmother tried to teach me how to crochet. I did not have the patience for it then. When I got older however, I wanted to try again. She helped me a lot and planted the seed in my head. Sadly, she passed away December 20, 2013. I will never forget how much she taught me. She meant the world to me. I will do my best to live up to her legacy. Now so showcase my most current projects.

I finished a really cute hat yesterday.



Crochet Bobble Beard Hat Modeled by Hunter

I started working on a matching scarf for the hat, but did not get to far.
I also made two headbands for baby girls.



Flower Headband

Bow Headband

Update

It has been a few days since I have posted, so I thought I would give an update. We made it through the polar vortex just fine. I was unable to post due to the possible power outages; our lights did go out, but they did come back on. We were trying to conserve our phone batteries in case of emergency; I make about half of my posts from my cell phone. I will try to post another entry today, but if not things should be getting back to normal here shortly. We are expected to get more snow today, freezing rain tomorrow, and rain on Friday. If we get the rain that is called for, there will be a lot of flooding. In the next few days, I will be sharing my most current crochet and knitting projects.

Have a great day, and stay warm,
Amber

Storm

This will be my shortest post ever. We are in the beginning of a severe storm where the wind chill is likely to reach 45 blew zero. The winds are so strong right now that my front door flew open. We may lose power as well.

Green Blogging

In our lives we try to do little things here and there to help the environment. We changed or toliet to be dual flush, we are saving to get a tank less hot water heater, and our list goes on. When I saw a post the other day about blogging green, I thought I would check it out. Even though I consider myself fairly educated, I did not realize how blogging could infect the environment.

Want to go green? Write a post about this, link back to http://www.retale.com/green, and email the post url to Green Gestures. Green Gestures will plant one tree per blog post made about the initiative. One tree absorbs about 11 pounds of carbon dioxide. Did you know that the average blog produces 8 pounds of carbon dioxide.

Procrastinatation and Bucket Lists...

I am back again. We have two topics for today, they may seem unrelated, but I think they segue into each other well. Also, I will post the pictures that I have been promising to post from my "picture a day" list.

Today's question is, "Do you have a tendency to procrastinate, or do you like checking things off your to-do list?". I do like to procrastinate, but as mentioned in my previous post, I work well under pressure. When I know a deadline is coming up, I can usually crank out a project, or whatever, quickly and thoroughly. I absolutely enjoy having a list of things that need to be done, and so that I can refer back to them instead of trying to remember all of them. However, I am really bad at writing lists. This brings us to our second topic, the bucket list.

A bucket list is constantly growing and changing. They are supposed to be realistic goals that you expect to complete in your lifetime. I have never even thought about creating a bucket list, but what the hay, I'll give it a go. Now keep in mind, that this is supposed to be a constantly evolving list, not something you sit and fill out as though it is written in stone. With that said, I will keep it short for today, but continually add to it, at least once a week.

1. Travel to Germany
2. Travel to Italy
3. Write a book
4. Have children
5. Become a better person, inside and out

Pictures:
1. Me. I looked crappy today, so we are going old school.



 



Marquette, MI 2007

2. Breakfast


Fast, easy, sausage and pancakes... ON A STICK!

3. Something I adore


Hunter

Short

Today's post will be short as I am tired and it's past my bedtime.

The question posed for today is, "What are you currently feeling pressure to do that you don't particulary enjoy?". The simple answer is, being an adult. You have to work, pay bills, keep house, etc. I wish it were easier, but it is not. I also feel pressure to have a child, but that is more something that I put on myself, and it is not that un-enjoyable.

That is all for tonight.

Goodnight,
Amber

P.S.
Pictures tomorrow, for sure.

Happy New Year!

I have two topics to discuss today. The first is "new." Aside from this being the new year, there is not really anything new going on. I do have to learn how to cope with the fact that I will never see my grandma again; that is a new feeling. I am also trying some new knitting projects, wish me luck! The last two new things are a photography challenge, where I will take one picture a day about a specific topic, and the January NaBloPoMo challenge. This challenge is about pressure, let us explore.

Do you work well under pressure?
Today's topic is a fairly easy one. I do tend to work better with structure and deadlines. Those usually translate to pressure. I love knowing when a project is due, otherwise I just goof around until someone says, "Hey I need 'whatever' by 'whenever', will you have it done?". It makes life much easier for me. What I do not like is to have someone breathing down my neck the whole time, or constantly asking when it will be done, especially when I just recieved the project.

Todays picture is supposed to be about me but since my phone decided to be stupid today, I was not able to take one. Tomorrow I will post two pictures to make up for it.

Hopefully your New Year started better than mine. I spent most of the day in bed feeling gross, and trying to fix my phone. I did walk to the gas station with Hunter, and we stopped at the park on the way back; it was fun.

Amber